Today is one of those days when I can't help but feel particularly desolate and lonely. I know it's just hormones but it's crazy how, with just writing this, I'm already on the verge of bawling my eyes out. How is that even possible? Stupid tear ducts!
As I've mentioned a million times on this blog, I'm not really in a rush to get into a relationship. I'm young and I know I should enjoy being single. I can go where I wanna go and be who I wanna be without someone telling me otherwise. But, and with a very big BUT, I can't help but feel lonely and jealous of those people who are in a relationship. And I feel that now, more than ever.
I don't wanna get into the details of it but I just feel like there's something or someone missing in my life. And watching romantic movies, letting myself be fooled by happy ever afters, does not help at all. I keep thinking that maybe I'm not ready yet or he's not ready or maybe the time is just not right yet. And worse, I keep thinking maybe I was meant to live alone and then comes self-pity and all that crap teasing me in my most vulnerable state. How convenient is that?
Anyway, there's something I've been meaning to share to you since last week. There's this guy (I know, almost every problem starts with that sentence) who I work with in the office. We don't really know each other but I find him really attractive and he looks like he smells good every single day. The thing is that, and I don't even know why I'm stressing about this, he's kinda' old. Well, not really old old but he's way older than me. But I feel like there's something there, which is how I feel about every other guy I really like, so I don't really trust myself that much. The point is, I really like him but I have no idea how to get to know him without making the first move (fck those morally accepted norm). I don't know. I guess I'm just messing with my head again and I'm getting way over myself so I'll drop the subject now. I'll talk tou you about it when I'm more sane than now.