Thursday, May 10, 2012

The only way is up

As much as I would like to start this off with all the positivity I can muster on, my frustrations are not allowing me to. Plus, the bipolar weather these past few days is not helping at all in lifting up my dreary mood. I am silently hoping  that this act of translating my disorganized thoughts and disarrayed emotions into random ramblings will do it's job as a lift-me-upper.

It's been an awful week for me at work. It's so disappointing when you try so hard to excel and perform however things are just not going your way. What's worse is when you are on top and then you hit rock bottom  faster than the blink of an eye. And no matter how hard you try, rock bottom seems to love your company so much it wouldn't let you go back up. I'm almost on the verge of quitting if not for the fear of having nowhere to go after I quit.

When my mom called me the other day to ask how I was doing, I told her all about the pressure I was experiencing at work. She told me I was always welcome to go back home anytime I want. Believe me when I say I was almost on my way to grab myself a ticket back home but then I realized I have to own up to my decision. I chose this over the comfort of my own home and I should've known it won't be easy.

It took me a while and heaps of courage to finally pick myself up and stop being so hard on myself. Instead of wallowing in self pity, I should prove to them that I will and I can do better. It may take a while but I will get there. For now, I will allow myself to be comforted by James Morrison's libretto 'When it all falls down, the only way is up'. I have to keep reminding myself that I could always choose whether to go up or stay where I am right now. And I choose the former.


Friday, May 4, 2012


Okay, let's talk about marriage.

Not that I know anything about it. But..let's just talk about marriage. Or infidelity. Or both.

A married man once told me "Why did I meet you just now? I wish I met you so much earlier." I knew he's married, of course I knew. But when he told me that, I couldn't help but be flattered, which is normal. Compliments like that are healthy for your self-confidence.

But when you hear compliments like that every single day from the same married man coupled with lines like, "How about a date?", makes you think about  things you should not be thinking. I would hate to insinuate anything, I'm telling it just as it is. I keep thinking what would happen if I jumped into the bandwagon and say yes to that date?

It took me a simple search on Facebook to finally give a halt to all my crazy thoughts. I saw his wife and kid, basically the whole family in his photos. I didn't need any pinching for me to realize there was no place for me there. I can't believe I even considered the option of going out with him.

As a friend once said, "Whatever happens, you will always be on the losing end because he's already taken." It's funny how circumstances lead you to the edge of your values and principles. And how words can blind you to do the opposite.

But it's all over now. I'm finally back to my old logical self. I hope you don't judge me though for my temporary lapse of judgment. I didn't believe this was worth a post in my humble blog but then I decided otherwise.


Thursday, May 3, 2012

Friends for Keeps

A friend asked me yesterday why I was not updating my blog anymore. It took me a while to come up with an answer but ended up saying the most generic answer of all, "I got busy." Although the phrase doesn't scream out an outright lie, it is not an excuse either. So I would like to apologize (for the nth time) for being so inconsistent with my blog posts. Again, I don't have any excuses, and even if I do come up with one, it doesn't suffice and it never will.

Anyway, I'm back in front of the keyboard because I am in the mood for writing. This may be a little long but it's something worth reading.

I will start it off by backtracking. In my attempt at being independent, I decided to pack up my bags and ended up in the not-so-familiar place of Cebu. With nothing but dreams and hopes in my pocket, I was able to find my way eventually and after three short months, I would like to believe I am already settled (in my own definition that is). Of course, there are a lot of what-if's and could-be's along the way but at the end of the day, when I think about the decision that I made, I have no regrets.

There are a lot of things that I have learned that I wouldn't have if I just stayed in my hometown. I met new friends at work and although I've only known them for a couple of months, they are the people I now consider my family here in Cebu. During the times when I miss my family back home, they have been my company and they were able to fill up that void. I've always been "bullied" by these friends but they have taught me a lot of lessons not only in terms of work but most importantly, about life in general. I will always be thankful.

Speaking of friends, the ones I left back home haven't been MIA too even if we are miles apart. There are times when I'm a feeling a little bit under the weather and it's always comforting that aside from snuggling up in my own bed, I always have people who I can talk to and feel a whole better afterwards. When something major happens to me, whether it be something awesome or awful, I know they will be there to listen to me without the fear of being judged for whatever actions I do or decisions I make. They always understand.

Another lesson I've learned is the attitude of owning up to my own mistakes. Way back home, there was always someone to blame for my misfortunes (it's always easier that way) but now that I'm alone, I am responsible for my own self. It's not always easy since it takes a lot of maturity (and I am everything but mature) but I am learning and I am learning every single day.

I have a lot more to share however, I feel like I have already blabbed more than I should for a single post so I will be saving the rest for the next (which I have zero idea when that would be). Geeez. Anyway, have a great weekend everyone!