Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Day 164-169: Leap of Faith

Wow. I didn't realize it's almost a week since I posted an entry here. Where did time go?

Anyway, I have so many things to say and there's too much that happened during the time I was away so I'll try to remember everything as much as I can. So yes, this will be a lengthy one. And this is gonna get dramatic too so I'm giving you a heads up.

First things first. I am officially jobless as of today. I finally filed for resignation last Monday and although I wasn't in the company for long, I have already met a lot of beautiful people and have made a couple of friends which doesn't make leaving any easier. And since it was my last day of work last Monday, some of my friends threw their own version of despedida party for me and I was deeply touched. Although it was just over cheap food and karaoke, what made it special was the company of the people that I never thought would come. I may never see them again but they will always hold a place in my heart.

Second. After almost two years of living independently in Cebu, I'm going back home for good. It pains me to leave such a beautiful place with amazing people who taught me a lot about life and the complexities of it. It was during my stay here that I was taught how to be free and it was instilled in me that I only live once and that I should enjoy every bit of it. Some people wouldn't understand my decision of turning away from my profession for something uncertain but I don't and never will have any regrets about it. You will always be my second home, Cebu.

Third. In lieu of me leaving, I will be taking over new roles and responsibilities and I'm nudging myself into the unknown again. Even if it makes everything so much harder, we all have to move on and take a leap of faith and trust that God has more amazing plans than we can ever come up with. Of course, the fear is there and I'm always on the crossroads standing with a big question mark on my face. I'm not even entirely sure if this is what I'm supposed to do. But there's only one thing I'm sure of; that He will be with me all the way so long as I trust him. And I do. I always will.

Fourth. Okay, let's make things lighter this time. Because I will leaving in a few days time, I had to check of some of my to-do lists that I have kept putting off during the past year. Being an extreme adventurer, I finally tried out Crown Regency's Edge Coaster, Skywalk and 4D Theatre yesterday. And because my friend had connections, we were able to enjoy everything with 75% off the original price! It was the perfect way to see the city from afar and definitely an experience that's one for the books.

Fifth. Another one crossed from my checklist was getting myself pierced. I've always wanted to get a piercing at the upper cartilage of my ears but I was always paralyzed by fear. And today, I'm proud to say that I've finally conquered that fear. It turned out the pain was just tolerable and I was just overacting before. Sometimes, it pays not to overthink everything and just go with it.

Alright, I think I have covered everything that I wanted to say so I will not make this longer than it already is. I'll be leaving for CDO hopefully by Friday and I have a whole lot of packing to do from now until then so my next post might be when I'm already back home. Thanks for reading, you guys!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Day 162-163: Idle

It's almost midnight here on my side of the world which means that it's almost bed time for me. I make it a point I at least get eight hours of sleep every night so depending on my shift the next day, I make up my own bed time curfew (if there is such a thing).

You may have noticed I didn't make an entry for yesterday and no, I didn't forget this time. I actually did it on purpose for the main reason that I was a total pig yesterday. I just stayed at home all day, only bothering to stand up to shower and to feed myself. Having that said, I didn't see any logical reason for me to make a post out of nothing so I didn't.

And it seemed the idleness I felt got carried over the next day, which is today, that I almost called off from work. But I decided otherwise knowing I only have a few days left to work before I resign. Actually, I don't have much to say because the same routinary activities happened and well yeah, that's basically it. After work, we originally wanted to go to the gym but my friend bailed out since she was having a major physical concern (for lack of a better term) and I didn't want to go alone so we ended up eating and going home right after.

Well, tomorrow's another day and I'm not sure if I will have the same strength and will to go to work but I'll really try my best. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Day 161: Lift-Me-Upper

I was supposed to write and publish this last night but my inter connection was having tantrums and just wouldn't cooperate so I had no choice. Ugh, third world dramas.

Anyway, yesterday was fun. I badly needed a lift-me-upper so my friend dragged me to the mall and I finally got my eyebrows threaded for the very first time. I know it's not such a big deal for some people who do it often and it's a little embarrasing I only got to try it now but for a first timer like me, it was like subjecting myself to torture. I know I probably sound like I'm overreacting but it was really so painful I cried afterwards. I'm now having second thoughts about getting a tattoo.haha. I kid, I kid. I'm still getting one but not now.

After all the pain I went through, my eyebrows looked so much better so I could say it was worth it. We then ate truckloads of food after. I had to have a dose of my favorite Cookies 'n Cream drink then we tried out the Famous Belgian Waffle which we have been eyeing out for a while now but always got discouraged because of the long queue. Luckily, there weren't a lot of people when we passed by so there was no excuse for us this time. I tried their Banana Hazelnut and my friend had the Blueberry Creamcheese which was really really good. This could be a good business venture when I get back home, don't you think?

Speaking about home, I'll be leaving Cebu in a couple of days and I want to make the most out of it. I've always wanted to try the skywalk at a nearby hotel and luckily, my friend knows someone there who offered us half the price! How cool is that? We might go and try it out next week so I'm pretty excited. Crossing my fingers it'll push through!

Monday, August 12, 2013

Day 160: Down In The Dumps

I was and still am seriously in a battle against separation anxiety today. If you must know, I called off at work today without any particular life-threatening reasons at all. But of course, I had to make an alibi for my downright laziness and under the weather dramas, which in my case was, a bad case of dysmenorrhea. They prolly know I was lying and we've all done that in one way or another so there's no point of judging me here. I'm just human. We all are.

So yeah, I've been down in the dumps the whole day, just staying in bed and drowning in a whirlwind of endless youtube videos, only getting up to take a shower and eat. Thank God my sometimes crappy internet connection wasn't all that crappy today. There are too many things running through my mind and I try to keep myself busy in order not to think. I just want to not think for a while and just breathe and feel nothing. I know, I'm feelling all sorts of weirdness and anxiety about the upcoming changes in my life. And thinking about it scares the crap out of me.

Ugh, I know I have to get out of the house to get me some lift-me-uppers. I wanna go for a run, watch a movie, drink some good coffee, read a book and everything there is. I wanna get a tattoo and get a piercing on the upper part of my ears and I want to scream my lungs out at the top of a building or a mountain. I want to travel and get away for a while. There's too many things I want to do and feel like doing. And I ask myself, 'Why don't I?'

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Day 157-159: Leaving Soon

I knooow. I have to aplogize for the seemingly long pauses in between my posts. It's not an excuse but I just get too tired when I get off from work that I can only manage to browse updates from social media and then I doze off afterwards. Again, I'm totally aware it's not an excuse but I at least had to throw in some defense or something.haha

Anyway, work for the past three days have been such a challenge for me. I'm losing all the drive needed for me to perform relatively better. Maybe one of the factors is the fact that I may leave the company soon and I'm seeing no point of exerting any effort. Yes, I've finally decided to go back home for good, I'll just need to render a one month resignation before I leave. I'm not really too sure what will happen with me once I get home, everything is just a total blur, but I have the gut feeling it's what I'm supposed to do. So yeah, I'll just update you once everything is already in place.

Going back to the topic of work, not much has happened during the past three days. My scores are still in an erratic state and I honestly don't know what to do with it anymore. Yesterday, one of my calls were pulled up and it was played to everyone in the team so that we could learn something from it. It was a bit embarrassing at first but since I didn't have any choice, I just kept in mind that it is for the betterment of everyone as well.

Tomorrow is gonna be my last day of work for the week and I'm seriously considering taking a leave from work. But then again, that would depend on my mood by the time I wake up. I just hope everything will be better by the morrow.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Day 154-156: Too Much Going On

I haven't written anything the past three days only means one two things: 1. I got too preoccupied with worldly things and 2. I was too busy being lazy. Too much has happened during the time I was away that I don't know how to start. Everything is just so unexpected and I'm having a hard time catching up.

As mentioned in my previous post, I received a very important news and I think I'm ready to share it now. My sister called me up and said she's finally going to Canada by the middle of September since her Visa will be expiring soon. What I didn't know was the fact that she's not bringing her son along with her. She wanted me to come home and basically take over her roles and responsibilities that she will be leaving behind. Having a job here in Cebu makes it harder for me to make such decision. I'm torn between having to take on new responsibilities and leaving my freedom behind. There's a big likelihood that I'll be going home for good but I'll let you know the details on that once it's been finalized.

Anyway, last Tuesday, I had my hair colored by a friend. I originally wanted to cut and curl my hair back again but since I was short with my budget, I'll have to settle with coloring my hair. I would've wanted to go a little blonder but the color I bought had a reddish feel to it so my hair ended up colored dark red which is fine. We went straight to the mall right after coloring my hair and I badly wanted to have my ears pierced at the upper portion of it but my fear of pain eventually took over and I chickened out. I'll probably do it some other time.

Yesterday, I just stayed home in the morning and went out with my friends in the afternoon. By evening, I had to meet up with an old friend to discuss something about investing at an early age and financial planning. The meeting turned out really well and I learned so much about money, how to control and the likes. I'll update you more on that too once I get to learn more about it.

Sadly for today, I had to go to work since my seemingly long break is already over. Work was just the same drill and nothing important is really worth sharing. We did celebrate one of my friends' birthday and I probably devoured all calories for today. I promise I will be shedding all of those at the gym tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Monday, August 5, 2013

Day 152 and 153: On Leave

Seriously, something is wrong with my memory. I'm trying my hardest to remember anything I can share from what happened yesterday but nothing comes to mind. All I can recall was the steak I shamelessly devoured after work. Because it's also a payday, me and my friend decided to give in to our whims and I have no regrets right after. If my memory serves me right, it was a fairly relaxing shift. The only regret I had was not being able to attend mass because of my schedule. I just hope this schedule will change soon. I am not liking it even a bit.

Today was supposed to be my last day of work for the week but my leave was approved which turned out to be a good thing because it was a very busy day at work. I decided to shop for jeans and I was so proud of myself because I was able to stop from buying things I was so tempted to but didn't really need. I know it doesn't seem to be such a big deal but it is for me and I was able to control myself so that was a really good thing.

I then went to pamper myself and got me a manicure and pedicure. I loved how my nails turned out and although it was more expensive than others, it was totally worth it. I originally wanted to get my eyebrows threaded but I chickened out at the last minute so I might do it some other time. I went to the office right after to wait for my gym buddy since she had work and I loved it because we were the only people there. Speaking of gym, I'm not able to last a ten minute run on the treadmill anymore so I'm going for the incline and abdominals. I just hope everything pays out in the end.

I did receive a very disturbing news earlier though and these are one of those times where a decision has to be made and my life could take a 360 degree turn based on that decision. But I'm not yet ready to talk about it so I'll talk to you about that maybe tomorrow. I'll be heading off to bed in a while so I will not make this long. 'Til tomorrow!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Day 150 and 151: Dreams or Reality?

I was supposed to publish an entry last night but for some annoying reasons (aka crappy internet), it never got published and when I woke up earlier this morning, everything got deleted and it wasn't even saved in the drafts. To make it worse, I totally forgot everything that I wrote on that entry. Well, not really everything but most of it. And I don't have the mental capacity to recall because my brain is so drained I can hardly remember what I did today. So please bear with me and understand that whatever I wrote probably happened in reality or maybe I just dreamt about it (it gets confusing sometimes).

There was not much that happened the past two days at work. It's still the same old routine but ot's not that queueing anymore. My crushie was also around yesterday even if it was his day off but I missed him today though. I'm still struggling with my scores and I wasn't able to meet my goals for July so I have to double time and come up with new things to accomplish. I'm not complaining though. I think I just need to push myself further in order to keep up with what's required of me.

On a totally unrelated note, I got really pissed off last night because I didn't get to have enough sleep. I won't get into details 'coz I know it's part of what I signed up for. I just hope things will better in due time. I will also not be making this long because it's already my imposed bed time. I'm also tired and the weather is so conducive for sleeping. It's actually been raining the entire day today which makes it even harder to go to work. Urgh, responsibilies!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Day 149: August Rush

It's already past midnight on my part of the world and my brain is already half asleep while writing this but I'll trudge along. And it's the start of the August rush so I can't miss out. Sadly though, it wasn't such a good start for me at work. I pretty much sucked in dealing with customers today that I was seriously considering quitting by the middle of my shift. But I can't. Well, technically, I can but I choose not to. There are too many things to consider before I get to that decision.

I also got interviewed by one of the auditors in our company to evaluate my next level supervisor. I was nervous at first but I found the auditor really cute after a few minutes of talking to him. He's one of those rare types who looks more attractive the longer you talk to him because of his intellectual capacity. One of the few guys who has sense when you talk to them and who exudes sincerity by looking straight tou your eyes while you talk, and you can't help but look back. Have you ever encountered such people?

Anyway, I was so drained at the end of the shift that I had to pass on going to the gym. Instead, I went shopping with my friend (she only did the shopping, I was just looking and drooling and wishing I had millions to buy everything I'm drooling at) and ate a chocolate sundae afterwards to cure my depression for that really cute sandals I was eyeing at but could never afford to buy. Okay, I can afford but I just don't think I need another pair of flats when I just bought two this month.

I'm slowly returning to my shopaholic-ish attitude and it's not good! This has got to stop or else my earnings will be gone in no time. Help me?