Day 113: Guilty

And I'm still in Cebu.

I was supposed to leave for CDO tonight but the pay I was waiting for was a no show so I was forced to move my trip for tomorrow. And I have never felt so guilty because I'm not only gonna go MIA on my dad's birthday but I also told a white lie behind the reason why I was not going home tonight. Let's just say, I told my mom a different story because I know she'd flip out knowing I didn't really save anything during the past year I was working. Well, she didn't have to know that and I wouldn't want her stressing out in giving me a lecture on saving money and all that. But I'm still a little bothered about it though. And I'm slowly hating my sister for being such a tell-all.

I'm also hoping the tropical depression will not affect my trip especially that I'll be on a boat and I imagine all sorts of things not worth imagining all the time. I don't know, everytime I have a scheduled trip, there's always a storm coming and I always get stressed out. Please help me pray for a safe trip tomorrow and for the next few days. Anyway, I will not be making this long. I'm pretty tired too so I'll be hitting the sack soon. Are you having any plans for this weekend?

Day 112: G-R-R-R!

Three more days and I'm outta here! Woot! And yes, we already have a place to stay in when we get to HongKong. Now, it's all about planning where to go and how to get there. My sister and I are not really good with directions so there's a huge porobability we'll get lost one way or another but I'll take my chances. I personally think that it's better like this (I mean, not relying on an agency) because aside from the fact that we own our own time, we will be able to explore Hongkong better. As they say, you will never learn the tradition and culture of others unless you immerse yourself with their everyday activities. Am I right?

Anyway, work was pretty much the same today. There weren't too many calls so it was pretty relaxing in a way. What stressed me the most was what happened after work. I went home immediately once I got out of the office and when I got home, my roommate was already there and she wanted to go to the mall near our office because she was craving for something sweet. I was silently hoping I'll see my crush once we pass by the office and lo and behold, there he was outside, waiting for someone. We purposefully got out of our way to pass by him and I smiled but I seriously think I looked like a retard because it was like a half smile and a half weird look that I get when I'm nervous.

And for the record, he didn't smile back at all and it broke my heart. I guess I'll be avoiding him all day tomorrow. Ugh, if you only saw how flustered I was, you would've thought I'd pass out any minute. I've never been so good at hiding my feelings which made it even worse. Thank God I'll be on leave next week so I won't have to see him for a while. I think the butterflies in my stomach just turned into bees and swarmed me with humiliation. Ugh!

Day 111: Late notice

We're leaving for HongKong in less than a week and we have no hotel reservations yet. My sister and I are now panicking because she just recently decided not to avail of travel agencies and just do the tour all by ourselves. That's what I've been telling her before but she didn't wanna hear me out so now we have no idea where we're going to stay. There's this hotel that I found on the internet which offers really low room rates and is very accessible for transportation but I'm not really so sure if our request for a reservation would be accomodated since it's already on a late notice.

Anyway, my day wasn't really that good. There were a lot of irate callers and I'm already dreading my scores for tomorrow. I'm just hoping for a miracle now. And speaking of work, I'd say it's pretty good to have an inspiration when you're in the office. The guy I've been telling you about has been really lighting up my mornings and honestly, I so wanted to talk to him and get to know him but I just can't! I know, I'm pathetic like that.

On another note, I'll be leaving for Cagayan de Oro on Friday by boat. I've decided it's better if I travel with my sister to Manila so she wouldn't have such a hard time bringing Gab along. And besides, it's my dad's birthday this Saturday and I wanted to celebrate with him as well. Looks like I'm gonna be missing my team's very first outing which I really wanted to go to but considering the circumstances, I think I've made the right decision.

Day 110: Hopeless Romantic

You know, I just have to share this before I go about prancing on how my day went. I think, maybe, the guy I shared to you yesterday and how I feel about him is just my way of personalizing this character I am in love with in a TV series. How awfully lame is that? And I've also realized that because I wanted so much to get into relationship, I am already getting way ahead of things and I'm forming my own delusional thoughts based on nothing. I don't know, I guess I just have to breathe for a while and give myself a break from being such a hopeless romantic. I know it's not healthy but sometimes I just can't help it. I think maybe I need a shrink. Haha! I kid, I kid!

Anyway, my day started out really great. I was greeted with a message that my one week leave has been approved and I couldn't be any happier. Of course it's an unpaid leave but I'm good with that. I wouldn't trade anything for this trip, so yeah. There were a few bumps along the highway of taking calls but generally, it was a good day. I just hope it would translate to my numbers by tomorrow. After the shift, I ate with a friend for a while and the topic of romance was inevitable. It was probably one of the most sensible and mature talks I've had in a while and it feels good to be able to do that.

What about you? How was your Tuesday?

Day 109: Times like this

Today is one of those days when I can't help but feel particularly desolate and lonely. I know it's just hormones but it's crazy how, with just writing this, I'm already on the verge of bawling my eyes out. How is that even possible? Stupid tear ducts!

As I've mentioned a million times on this blog, I'm not really in a rush to get into a relationship. I'm young and I know I should enjoy being single. I can go where I wanna go and be who I wanna be without someone telling me otherwise. But, and with a very big BUT, I can't help but feel lonely and jealous of those people who are in a relationship. And I feel that now, more than ever.

I don't wanna get into the details of it but I just feel like there's something or someone missing in my life. And watching romantic movies, letting myself be fooled by happy ever afters, does not help at all. I keep thinking that maybe I'm not ready yet or he's not ready or maybe the time is just not right yet. And worse, I keep thinking maybe I was meant to live alone and then comes self-pity and all that crap teasing me in my most vulnerable state. How convenient is that?

Anyway, there's something I've been meaning to share to you since last week. There's this guy (I know, almost every problem starts with that sentence) who I work with in the office. We don't really know each other but I find him really attractive and he looks like he smells good every single day. The thing is that, and I don't even know why I'm stressing about this, he's kinda' old. Well, not really old old but he's way older than me. But I feel like there's something there, which is how I feel about every other guy I really like, so I don't really trust myself that much. The point is, I really like him but I have no idea how to get to know him without making the first move (fck those morally accepted norm). I don't know. I guess I'm just messing with my head again and I'm getting way over myself so I'll drop the subject now. I'll talk tou you about it when I'm more sane than now.

Day 108: Sunday's Best

It seems like my body clock has finally adapted to waking up early in the morning. During weekends when I have all the right to sleep late and wake up even later, my mind and body seem to protest and I end up opening my eyes in the wee hours of the morning like it was wired to, and I can never go back to sleep again. I'm not complaining though (well, maybe a teensy bit) but I figured it's an advantage anyway because I get to do a lot of things instead of obligingly being lazy.

With that being said, I woke up at seven in the morning today even if I slept very late last night, though I officially got up at nine (yes, the rolling and tossing and turning and debating whether I should get up or not took two long hours.haha) with the bottle of beer being the first thing that caught my eye when I woke up. I didn't finish all of it but I felt really good after a couple of sips. And I rarely drink, if you may notice. I don't know, I just felt like it was the best thing to do on a Saturday night (c'mon, I know you had those moments too).

I figured it might rain in the afternoon so I had no choice but to get up and get dressed for the mass. The priest's sermon was pretty long but it was very insightful, to say the least. I then took my lunch and had my usual reading session at the coffee shop. I'm almost halfway reading Murakami's Kafka on the Shore but I couldn't stay long because it was getting too crowded and noisy so I decided to go home after an hour. And now I'm wide awake because when I got home, I dozed off and slept for more than two hours. I guess someone's sleeping late again tonight.

Day 105 to 107: Weekender

I have so many things to tell you, I'm not even sure where and how to start. I know I went MIA for a couple of days, I have all the valid reasons why and mostly because of exhaustion and burnout from work. And I would like to apologize in advance because I might miss sharing some important things that could've happened in the past three days. I honestly can barely remember anything.

So let's start with Thursday, which is at the same time, our payday. All I can remember was that I came home late because I decided to go to the gym with a friend thereby forfeiting my plotted overtime (which I got reprimanded on, the day after). By Friday, I was more than excited to end the week but found out later on that I was scheduled an overtime, for the second time now, against my will. I was left with no choice but to render and at the end of the shift, I resorted to binge eating to get rid of stress and burnout, which also explains why I got home late and made love to the bed right after getting home. And by the way, before I forgot, my debit card got captured by the ATM machine after using it because I forgot to get the card on time. I had to wait until Saturday since the bank was already closed.

Now, today was a very good day to me. Still, I had to render my pre-plotted overtime early in the morning but little did I know that today is also the same day I'll find my inspiration at work. Well, technically, I already saw him before but today, I finally got to have an interaction with him and I felt all those caterpillars are slowly becoming butterflies in my stomach again. I'll spare you all those high school-ish whatever but this is definitely not the end of it. Anyway, after my shift, I had to wait for two hours more to get my debit card, got myself a take-out and went home directly. I stayed for a while and by three pm, I got myself ready for a massage together with my friends. I personally thought I paid too much moeny for the massage but I guess I really needed it after all. When I finally got home, I treated myself to an ice cold beer to finally end the night.

P.S. My sister's husband will not be going with us to Disneyland anymore because of a conflict with his schedule. So it's only gonna be me, my sister and Gab. Good Luck to us.haha