Day 25: Today is the day

Happy Easter everyone! I feel a little guilty that i didn't get to witness the 'sugat' today. It's a Filipino tradition every Easter that an early mass will be held (like 3 or 4 in the morning) in honor of Jesus christ's resurrection. 'Sugat' in english translation means meeting and it's like an act of meeting Jesus on the day that he has risen. I told my mom I would want to go so she would have to wake me up early. Well, she did wake me up but the problem is, I slept very late I couldn't even get my eyes to open. pfft

Since me and my sisters were not able to go to mass, we had to go in the afternoon. Typically, our village holds a mass every 4 in the afternoon. After dressing up, we went there early but to no avail. Turns out, there was no mass to be held until 6 in the afternoon and we cannot wait till then coz my boat leaves by 8. We had to go and look for a mass held downtown at the cathedral which started around 5. And then we had to hurry back home for dinner before my sister dropped me off at the port.

Yes, today is the day! My long break is over and it's finally back to the real world. I'd hate to be dramatic and all and I don't know why this keeps happening to me but the case of separation anxiety I'm experiencing right now is more than I expected. It's overpowering my will and excitement to go back to Cebu to the point that I almost didn't want to go back. I'm gonna miss my family, my sister and my nephew especially. With the number of times I've been doing this, you would've expected me to be used to it alreadybut the truth is, you don't get used to it (at least in my case), it's becoming worse every time. Ugh, I hate leaving!

Day 24: Grammar Junkie

My heart is grieving right now. I'm gonna be leaving for Cebu really soon and the separation anxiety is building up like crazy. I've spent the day packing my things and I also brought with me an organizer which will help me organize some of my things back in the house. I also packed some of my shoes which I left here and never really got to wear. My mom gave me a new blanket which is very snuggly and I know it's probably not a good idea since it's summer and I don't have an air conditioner at home so it will just add up to the heat of my bed but I don't care. I've practically harbored a lot of things at home to bring them over to my room in Cebu just for me to feel at home even if I'm miles away.

In the act of rummaging some things, I stumbled upon my ancient grammar book in high school. And one of the things that you probably don't know about me is that I love reading, answering, learning and relearning grammar books. Not to brag but I consider myself really good in my English classes in high school and college more than any other subjects. I liked reading literature and constructing sentences and finding out what's wrong with them. So I spent my night doing just that. And call me boring but I actually had a lot of fun. Fun is subjective they say.

Monday will be start of everything. There will be a lot of interviews and exams and scary bosses who will test me if I'm fit for the job so I have to get ready for it. I'm hoping I'm gonna get hired soon 'coz I don't have spare cash to throw away and living on my own means providing for my own so I'm really crossing my fingers for that. I'm also gonna be working on all of my documents from my previous company and I'm gonna get myself cleared before I could move on to a new one which means paying a little visit to my old workplace. It's gonna be hard and maybe a little nostalgic but I'm excited to see my friends too. I just hope I don't bump into someone I'm not supposed to.

Day 22 and 23: Holy Week Traditions

Two days more and I'm gonna be back in Cebu! I'm so excited I almost giggle at every random thing but I'm also beginning to develop symptoms of separation anxiety every minute that passes. I know it's crazy how someone can feel two opposite emotions at the same time but believe it or not, even if I've been doing this more than a dozen times already, every time I leave CDO for Cebu, my heart stops for a while to grieve. Usually, I would curl up in bed and cry a year's worth of tears. Happens all the time.

Yesterday was what they call Maundy Thursday and today is Good Friday. Most people have gone to the beach or somewhere far away for the holy week but for my family, we just spent it at home with each other. Yesterday, we all went to mass sans my older sister. I don't know why, she has some kind of immunity to these kinds of tradition that she needs no excuse to be..well..excused. We arrived in time but there were too many people, we didn't even get to find a seat. This happens to us every year and I know we should already have learned our lesson and brought over some chairs but somehow, we always forget and end up standing all throughout the duration of the mass.

For today, we had to attend the annual tradition of the Procession of the Cross. I, for one, never really follow any traditions but the family, especially my mom does so it's kind of obligatory for the rest of us. We walked for about 5 kilometers more or less (I suck at metrics) to pray and sing praises. Well technically, me and my sisters were too busy looking at the view and bickering with each other while my nephew shouted Amen every five minutes. I didn't expect it to be that long a walk, I though it was just gonna be around the corner but they just kept going. We had to stop and buy ice cream along the way. Thank God I was wearing slippers.

Day 20 and 21: Going back and Starting Over

I know, I know. To my defense, I didn't really do anything different on these two days so it's technically forgivable to merge this into one post. On the downside, I totally forgot what I did yesterday. I know I just spent the entire morning watching CSI and Revenge because I was too lazy to get up I had myself believe I was literally glued to the living room chair. And I skipped breakfast because I was too caught up trying to figure out who really killed who. I also happen to skip lunch because I was too busy putting the pieces together on the recent happenings in the life of Emily Thorne, God it's been too long since I watched an episode of this. I ate bits and pieces of junk though, if that helps. I know it's not healthy but to my defense again, I'm gonna be facing real life soon so I might as well enjoy what I can while I'm still here.

Speaking of going back to the real world, I booked my ticket back to Cebu yesterday. I'm leaving on Sunday and frankly, I'm scared. I'm starting all over again and I don't know what to expect. I have a lot of new plans and goals but just like before, I don't know if this will ever go according to plan. I'm gonna be throwing myself back in the open and although things are so much more different than it was before when I started, I can't help but feel a little apprehensive.

If you may know, some people want me to just stay here, including my parents. They don't even know I'm gonna be leaving on Sunday. I'm just waiting for the right timing (probably an hour before my trip. lol) because I know I'm gonna see those disapproving looks again. I mean they didn't really say it out loud but as kids, we get the hint. It's not that I don't want to, believe me, having stayed in the comfort of my home for almost three weeks made me almost rethink my decision. But I want to challenge myself too.  I need the challenge in order for me to grow as an individual. I'm thinking this could be a form of avoidance or escapism, maybe, I don't know. But what I do know is that I can't say here for now. I just hope they would find it in their hearts to understand what I'm going through. You don't know how those disapproving looks make me feel like the prodigal daughter who, I'm not so sure will ever come back.

P.S. As I said, I pretty much did the same thing today, the only difference was the series I watched. I exchanged Revenge with Glee and I'm glad I did because the episode was on their sectionals.

P.S.S. You should watch that episode. You won't regret it.

Day 19: It's still day 19?

Honestly, I'm getting too tired of doing this already. And I haven't even reached a month yet. Pfft. This was supposed to be posted last night and yet I only finished it today. I'm not so sure I can whip up something for tomorrow. Let's see.

Anyway, it's my younger sister's birthday today. We didn't celebrate much, we just bought ice cream and cake and made pasta. She's already done treating her friends anyway so it was more of a private family celebration. My nephew was too excited with the cake, you should've seen his face, it's epic. And I probably ate more a week's worth of carbs and sweets. Ah, screw diet. I'll regret about it tomorrow. haha

I really don't have much to say. I know I probably had something in mind earlier but I forgot about it. I should really keep a pocket notebook and pen with me all the time so when an idea strikes up, I could always write it down. If there's one thing you should know about me, I'm very forgetful. I'm pretty sure I already mentioned this before but I can't remember. And now I'm just blabbing.

Day 18: I don't have a title for this

I skipped lunch today because I had to get my nails done. I know it sounds ridiculous but I cannot live with ultra fast growing bland and colorless nails for a day. I don't know if it's just me but colored fingernails always make me feel elated and gay. I know all you girls out there can relate. No? Okay then it's just me. After I got my nails done, I caught up with a friend and wontedly talked about the recent changes that are happening in our decent lives right now. Gilbert has been my constant friend since high school and we've practically known each other for almost ten years now. He's the only person of the opposite sex I can truly be honest and comfortable with to the point that I go with him shopping for men's underwear. It's awkward but fun all the same.

After catching up with him, I attended mass later in the afternoon with my family and decided to watch Hinuklog (Passion of the Christ play) right after. I was supposed to go with my sister but when she learned it would end late, she decides to bail out on me. So I told my mom I would be going alone, and then she goes like, 'Imma come with you', which means alone time with her, so in my head I'm like, "No,no,no,no,no, (probably even more no's than that)." Again, I like being with my mom, just not alone with her. I absolutely dread the questions she asks me when we're alone together. I just don't have the answers to those questions yet. But since I cannot say no to her, we went together. Luckily though, she got tired after a while and decides to go home ahead of me.

The play that I watched was really good. And you know a play is good when you get carried away by the actors. I mean the story of the passion is being presented every year so we already know the story, it's just now a matter of the presentation. They had real horses and costumes and everything was very well thought off. It evoked different kinds of emotions in me that I was not even prepared of. After the play, my sister picked me up since she was driving along the way and we went home together. We thought her son was already asleep but when we opened the door, he was there lying on his bed with a huge bump on his forehead. Apparently, he injured himself while playing. Poor, poor kid.

By the way, I'm sorry about yesterday, I know I sounded like a bratty teenager who lost her false eyelashes at boot camp. That's usually what happens when I miss a lot of people. Looking at my sister having fun with her friends made me miss my friends too. Because of diverse priorities and responsibilities, me and my friends never really have time to do sleepovers and food trips and little random things we used to enjoy before we got adulterated and eaten by worldly predilections. And now I don't wonder so much why Peter Pan never wanted to grow up. Being an adult sometimes constitutes being angry most of the time, becoming intolerant of delays and not taking time to do what's necessary instead does the shallow and superficial. It's not about being childish or immature, it's about never forgetting the kid in us who is always contented with an ice cream after falling off her bike and scraping her knees on the sidewalk.

P.S. Because I was traumatized with my previous experience getting my nails done, I tried a new one for today and it turned out really good!

Day 17: Teenage Drama

I feel so lame right now going to a 'grown-up' party with my mom and dad. It's Saturday night and my older sister is not at home, probably went out with her friends and my younger sister is out celebrating earth hour with her friends too. And since I was the one stuck at home watching classic TV, my folks decided to drag me along feeling all sorry for me. 'Poor daughter, no friends, no boyfriend, forever alone' was probably what my parents were thinking. And I can't say no to them. And there goes awkward hi's and hello's with people I have no interest about. Thank God they decided to head home early since my mom still has to go somewhere early tomorrow. Thank you, God.

Earlier today, my sister also celebrated her birthday with her friends and I was the one unfortunately tasked to babysit here. I mean, c'mon mom, she's old enough to curse, I think she can handle treating her friends out. But no, I just had to go and handle 8 other unusually loud and screaming teenage girls. Was I ever this noisy when I was her age? No, I don't think so. And they keep babbling about that cute guy, dishing out juicy gossips here and there. Ugh. Teenage Drama. And as if that's not enough, one friend decides to sleep over. I'm fairly tolerable if that friend is someone I know of but this one's totally new to me and I have trust issues. And then I realized how can I know? I'm not here all the time. Alright fine, she can sleep over. For now.

After the celebration, I just stayed at the nearby mall where me and older sister will be meeting up since it was my nephew's graduation and he was supposed to dance with other kids as part of the program. A couple of minutes later, my sister called and said they would not be attending the graduation since my nephew didn't want to go. You wanna guess the reason why? He doesn't want to dance. He didn't even like the costume. Just like that. And of course, we can't force a two-year old into doing something when his every answer to your question is 'no!' and then wails after. So no graduation and no dance happened. It's just a bummer since I really wanted to see him dance on stage in his cute little costume. I guess we'll just have to wait until he's old enough to say yes.

I'm sorry if I'm a little irked writing this. My patience is just burned up like bottle rockets today, I have no idea why. I'll do better tomorrow.