When all else fails, I write.
No, I'm not necessarily ultra mega sad this time. But to say I'm contented and happy is an overstatement. So I'm neutral. And confused. And lost, maybe?
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm at in my life right now. I don't know what's ahead of me and I'm scared. These are one of those days where I just wanna go home, be with my family and not the trying-to-be-independent-and-living-my-life-to-the-fullest-wanting-to-make-my-decisions kind of me. I know for those who have been faithfully reading my once in a blue moon entries are probably tired and getting nauseous of my endless rants. I am too. But writing has always been my comfort and refuge. It's the only way I cope.
For the past couple of months, I have been living on my own, providing for my own, and deciding on my own. I found it liberating and fun. I would like to believe I was and am still responsible despite the fact I am away from le parents. But I'm not exactly sure that what I'm doing right now is what I wanna do for the next 10 years. I am nowhere near my passion and that voice inside me which fuels my determination is slowly wavering every single day. I have to get a grip of what it's really telling me before it gives up.
I've also been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Now, don't get me wrong on this. I'm not in a hurry to get into one. Believe me, I've waited this long, a few more years won't hurt. I would like to believe I'm getting closer every single day. But sometimes, I just can't help but feel lonely. I have friends who are single too and I have a whole lot of fun being with them when I'm not at work. But it's a totally different thing when you are in a relationship with someone. I know you know what I mean.
I have spent the entire day reflecting and thinking. And even the gloomy weather is cooperating with me. Life really surprises us sometimes and we all have to keep up. We all have to keep up or else we'll get left behind.