Day 182 to 189: Not Ready Yet

As of the moment, I'm stressing about a humongous pimple on my right shoulder which I accidentally scratched, thus making it look even bigger than it already is. I (excuse the French) fucking hate it. Okay, I know how random that was but I just can't get over it. Anyway, spare me the rolling of eyes, I'm not going to make an excuse for my absence anyway. I haven't been able to write for more than a week now but despite the long absence, I don't have much to say.

Well, there are a couple of change in habits brought about by the changes that happened recently. I don't go to the gym anymore simply because I don't have the luxury and the resources anymore but I still do my exercises at home every other day. There's also lesser time for me to go out with friends because 1. my friends are way too busy with their lives (no pun intended) and 2. Sunday is my only rest day. Yes, you read that right. Since the family is running a business, we are open 7 days a week, only on Sunday I am given the option of not showing up. 

It's a little bit draining and I'm not used to it especially the fact that I work for my parents and I live under their roof so I am forced to live under their sometimes-absurd-and-not-really-fair house rules. And I'd be lying if I say that I don't miss my independent life because I do, more than you know. But we all have to make sacrifices so I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. As they say, the only difference between a good and a bad day is your attitude towards it. So I'm choosing positive vibes all the way!

And not that it's anything important but someone's courting me right now and I don't know what to make of it. Not to brag or put him off but he's a little bit out of my league, for lack of a better term. He clearly has a long way to go in terms of improving and making a name for himself so I'm thinking this is not yet the best time for the both of us, although I haven't told him that yet. I'll just update you about it.

Anyway, I will not make this long. I'll be off to dreamland in a while. I am not yet so sure when the next post will be, let's just hope it'll be sooner. Thanks for reading you guys, I'll talk to you soon. Tata!

Day 170-181: Crossed Off The List

11 days. It's been than long since my last post. And during those days, I was and still am grappling the changes that's currently happening in my life right now. It's a bit unnerving and I'm kind of in a love-hate relationship with the situation that I'm in. Most days I am more than certain I've made the right decision and some days, I wrack my head with an explanation of those decisions in the first place. Well, we all have those days. One thing I'm certain though, I know I may be at a loss right now but I'll get there. I'll figure things out and everything will be just as how it should be. 

I'm currently writing at home in my hometown. During the past 11 days, I've been to Cebu to get the rest of my things and then back home again. I think I've been on a plane too much this year that I could almost memorize some of the crew and staff that I travel with. Anyway, I was only in Cebu for a day, also just in time for my favorite band to visit Cebu. Okaaaay, you got me. I intentionally went back to Cebu for that reason. I cannot pass the opportunity to see them play live so I booked a ticket right away and yes, that's another one crossed off my to-do list. I don't mean to brag but I'm pretty proud of myself for achieving so much this year in terms of my bucket list. Of course, there's still a lot more to go but as I said, I'll get there.

On another note, I may not be able to update as much as before mainly because I have a lot more things to do compared to the internet-work-internet-work lifestyle that I had before, so I tend to forget most of the time. Just like what happened during the past days. But I'll really try my best. 

Anyway, I will not make this long. I'm gonna be off to bed in a while so I'll just talk to you then. :)

Day 164-169: Leap of Faith

Wow. I didn't realize it's almost a week since I posted an entry here. Where did time go?

Anyway, I have so many things to say and there's too much that happened during the time I was away so I'll try to remember everything as much as I can. So yes, this will be a lengthy one. And this is gonna get dramatic too so I'm giving you a heads up.

First things first. I am officially jobless as of today. I finally filed for resignation last Monday and although I wasn't in the company for long, I have already met a lot of beautiful people and have made a couple of friends which doesn't make leaving any easier. And since it was my last day of work last Monday, some of my friends threw their own version of despedida party for me and I was deeply touched. Although it was just over cheap food and karaoke, what made it special was the company of the people that I never thought would come. I may never see them again but they will always hold a place in my heart.

Second. After almost two years of living independently in Cebu, I'm going back home for good. It pains me to leave such a beautiful place with amazing people who taught me a lot about life and the complexities of it. It was during my stay here that I was taught how to be free and it was instilled in me that I only live once and that I should enjoy every bit of it. Some people wouldn't understand my decision of turning away from my profession for something uncertain but I don't and never will have any regrets about it. You will always be my second home, Cebu.

Third. In lieu of me leaving, I will be taking over new roles and responsibilities and I'm nudging myself into the unknown again. Even if it makes everything so much harder, we all have to move on and take a leap of faith and trust that God has more amazing plans than we can ever come up with. Of course, the fear is there and I'm always on the crossroads standing with a big question mark on my face. I'm not even entirely sure if this is what I'm supposed to do. But there's only one thing I'm sure of; that He will be with me all the way so long as I trust him. And I do. I always will.

Fourth. Okay, let's make things lighter this time. Because I will leaving in a few days time, I had to check of some of my to-do lists that I have kept putting off during the past year. Being an extreme adventurer, I finally tried out Crown Regency's Edge Coaster, Skywalk and 4D Theatre yesterday. And because my friend had connections, we were able to enjoy everything with 75% off the original price! It was the perfect way to see the city from afar and definitely an experience that's one for the books.

Fifth. Another one crossed from my checklist was getting myself pierced. I've always wanted to get a piercing at the upper cartilage of my ears but I was always paralyzed by fear. And today, I'm proud to say that I've finally conquered that fear. It turned out the pain was just tolerable and I was just overacting before. Sometimes, it pays not to overthink everything and just go with it.

Alright, I think I have covered everything that I wanted to say so I will not make this longer than it already is. I'll be leaving for CDO hopefully by Friday and I have a whole lot of packing to do from now until then so my next post might be when I'm already back home. Thanks for reading, you guys!

Day 162-163: Idle

It's almost midnight here on my side of the world which means that it's almost bed time for me. I make it a point I at least get eight hours of sleep every night so depending on my shift the next day, I make up my own bed time curfew (if there is such a thing).

You may have noticed I didn't make an entry for yesterday and no, I didn't forget this time. I actually did it on purpose for the main reason that I was a total pig yesterday. I just stayed at home all day, only bothering to stand up to shower and to feed myself. Having that said, I didn't see any logical reason for me to make a post out of nothing so I didn't.

And it seemed the idleness I felt got carried over the next day, which is today, that I almost called off from work. But I decided otherwise knowing I only have a few days left to work before I resign. Actually, I don't have much to say because the same routinary activities happened and well yeah, that's basically it. After work, we originally wanted to go to the gym but my friend bailed out since she was having a major physical concern (for lack of a better term) and I didn't want to go alone so we ended up eating and going home right after.

Well, tomorrow's another day and I'm not sure if I will have the same strength and will to go to work but I'll really try my best. Wish me luck!

Day 161: Lift-Me-Upper

I was supposed to write and publish this last night but my inter connection was having tantrums and just wouldn't cooperate so I had no choice. Ugh, third world dramas.

Anyway, yesterday was fun. I badly needed a lift-me-upper so my friend dragged me to the mall and I finally got my eyebrows threaded for the very first time. I know it's not such a big deal for some people who do it often and it's a little embarrasing I only got to try it now but for a first timer like me, it was like subjecting myself to torture. I know I probably sound like I'm overreacting but it was really so painful I cried afterwards. I'm now having second thoughts about getting a tattoo.haha. I kid, I kid. I'm still getting one but not now.

After all the pain I went through, my eyebrows looked so much better so I could say it was worth it. We then ate truckloads of food after. I had to have a dose of my favorite Cookies 'n Cream drink then we tried out the Famous Belgian Waffle which we have been eyeing out for a while now but always got discouraged because of the long queue. Luckily, there weren't a lot of people when we passed by so there was no excuse for us this time. I tried their Banana Hazelnut and my friend had the Blueberry Creamcheese which was really really good. This could be a good business venture when I get back home, don't you think?

Speaking about home, I'll be leaving Cebu in a couple of days and I want to make the most out of it. I've always wanted to try the skywalk at a nearby hotel and luckily, my friend knows someone there who offered us half the price! How cool is that? We might go and try it out next week so I'm pretty excited. Crossing my fingers it'll push through!

Day 160: Down In The Dumps

I was and still am seriously in a battle against separation anxiety today. If you must know, I called off at work today without any particular life-threatening reasons at all. But of course, I had to make an alibi for my downright laziness and under the weather dramas, which in my case was, a bad case of dysmenorrhea. They prolly know I was lying and we've all done that in one way or another so there's no point of judging me here. I'm just human. We all are.

So yeah, I've been down in the dumps the whole day, just staying in bed and drowning in a whirlwind of endless youtube videos, only getting up to take a shower and eat. Thank God my sometimes crappy internet connection wasn't all that crappy today. There are too many things running through my mind and I try to keep myself busy in order not to think. I just want to not think for a while and just breathe and feel nothing. I know, I'm feelling all sorts of weirdness and anxiety about the upcoming changes in my life. And thinking about it scares the crap out of me.

Ugh, I know I have to get out of the house to get me some lift-me-uppers. I wanna go for a run, watch a movie, drink some good coffee, read a book and everything there is. I wanna get a tattoo and get a piercing on the upper part of my ears and I want to scream my lungs out at the top of a building or a mountain. I want to travel and get away for a while. There's too many things I want to do and feel like doing. And I ask myself, 'Why don't I?'

Day 157-159: Leaving Soon

I knooow. I have to aplogize for the seemingly long pauses in between my posts. It's not an excuse but I just get too tired when I get off from work that I can only manage to browse updates from social media and then I doze off afterwards. Again, I'm totally aware it's not an excuse but I at least had to throw in some defense or something.haha

Anyway, work for the past three days have been such a challenge for me. I'm losing all the drive needed for me to perform relatively better. Maybe one of the factors is the fact that I may leave the company soon and I'm seeing no point of exerting any effort. Yes, I've finally decided to go back home for good, I'll just need to render a one month resignation before I leave. I'm not really too sure what will happen with me once I get home, everything is just a total blur, but I have the gut feeling it's what I'm supposed to do. So yeah, I'll just update you once everything is already in place.

Going back to the topic of work, not much has happened during the past three days. My scores are still in an erratic state and I honestly don't know what to do with it anymore. Yesterday, one of my calls were pulled up and it was played to everyone in the team so that we could learn something from it. It was a bit embarrassing at first but since I didn't have any choice, I just kept in mind that it is for the betterment of everyone as well.

Tomorrow is gonna be my last day of work for the week and I'm seriously considering taking a leave from work. But then again, that would depend on my mood by the time I wake up. I just hope everything will be better by the morrow.