Day 113: Guilty

And I'm still in Cebu.

I was supposed to leave for CDO tonight but the pay I was waiting for was a no show so I was forced to move my trip for tomorrow. And I have never felt so guilty because I'm not only gonna go MIA on my dad's birthday but I also told a white lie behind the reason why I was not going home tonight. Let's just say, I told my mom a different story because I know she'd flip out knowing I didn't really save anything during the past year I was working. Well, she didn't have to know that and I wouldn't want her stressing out in giving me a lecture on saving money and all that. But I'm still a little bothered about it though. And I'm slowly hating my sister for being such a tell-all.

I'm also hoping the tropical depression will not affect my trip especially that I'll be on a boat and I imagine all sorts of things not worth imagining all the time. I don't know, everytime I have a scheduled trip, there's always a storm coming and I always get stressed out. Please help me pray for a safe trip tomorrow and for the next few days. Anyway, I will not be making this long. I'm pretty tired too so I'll be hitting the sack soon. Are you having any plans for this weekend?

Day 112: G-R-R-R!

Three more days and I'm outta here! Woot! And yes, we already have a place to stay in when we get to HongKong. Now, it's all about planning where to go and how to get there. My sister and I are not really good with directions so there's a huge porobability we'll get lost one way or another but I'll take my chances. I personally think that it's better like this (I mean, not relying on an agency) because aside from the fact that we own our own time, we will be able to explore Hongkong better. As they say, you will never learn the tradition and culture of others unless you immerse yourself with their everyday activities. Am I right?

Anyway, work was pretty much the same today. There weren't too many calls so it was pretty relaxing in a way. What stressed me the most was what happened after work. I went home immediately once I got out of the office and when I got home, my roommate was already there and she wanted to go to the mall near our office because she was craving for something sweet. I was silently hoping I'll see my crush once we pass by the office and lo and behold, there he was outside, waiting for someone. We purposefully got out of our way to pass by him and I smiled but I seriously think I looked like a retard because it was like a half smile and a half weird look that I get when I'm nervous.

And for the record, he didn't smile back at all and it broke my heart. I guess I'll be avoiding him all day tomorrow. Ugh, if you only saw how flustered I was, you would've thought I'd pass out any minute. I've never been so good at hiding my feelings which made it even worse. Thank God I'll be on leave next week so I won't have to see him for a while. I think the butterflies in my stomach just turned into bees and swarmed me with humiliation. Ugh!

Day 111: Late notice

We're leaving for HongKong in less than a week and we have no hotel reservations yet. My sister and I are now panicking because she just recently decided not to avail of travel agencies and just do the tour all by ourselves. That's what I've been telling her before but she didn't wanna hear me out so now we have no idea where we're going to stay. There's this hotel that I found on the internet which offers really low room rates and is very accessible for transportation but I'm not really so sure if our request for a reservation would be accomodated since it's already on a late notice.

Anyway, my day wasn't really that good. There were a lot of irate callers and I'm already dreading my scores for tomorrow. I'm just hoping for a miracle now. And speaking of work, I'd say it's pretty good to have an inspiration when you're in the office. The guy I've been telling you about has been really lighting up my mornings and honestly, I so wanted to talk to him and get to know him but I just can't! I know, I'm pathetic like that.

On another note, I'll be leaving for Cagayan de Oro on Friday by boat. I've decided it's better if I travel with my sister to Manila so she wouldn't have such a hard time bringing Gab along. And besides, it's my dad's birthday this Saturday and I wanted to celebrate with him as well. Looks like I'm gonna be missing my team's very first outing which I really wanted to go to but considering the circumstances, I think I've made the right decision.

Day 110: Hopeless Romantic

You know, I just have to share this before I go about prancing on how my day went. I think, maybe, the guy I shared to you yesterday and how I feel about him is just my way of personalizing this character I am in love with in a TV series. How awfully lame is that? And I've also realized that because I wanted so much to get into relationship, I am already getting way ahead of things and I'm forming my own delusional thoughts based on nothing. I don't know, I guess I just have to breathe for a while and give myself a break from being such a hopeless romantic. I know it's not healthy but sometimes I just can't help it. I think maybe I need a shrink. Haha! I kid, I kid!

Anyway, my day started out really great. I was greeted with a message that my one week leave has been approved and I couldn't be any happier. Of course it's an unpaid leave but I'm good with that. I wouldn't trade anything for this trip, so yeah. There were a few bumps along the highway of taking calls but generally, it was a good day. I just hope it would translate to my numbers by tomorrow. After the shift, I ate with a friend for a while and the topic of romance was inevitable. It was probably one of the most sensible and mature talks I've had in a while and it feels good to be able to do that.

What about you? How was your Tuesday?

Day 109: Times like this

Today is one of those days when I can't help but feel particularly desolate and lonely. I know it's just hormones but it's crazy how, with just writing this, I'm already on the verge of bawling my eyes out. How is that even possible? Stupid tear ducts!

As I've mentioned a million times on this blog, I'm not really in a rush to get into a relationship. I'm young and I know I should enjoy being single. I can go where I wanna go and be who I wanna be without someone telling me otherwise. But, and with a very big BUT, I can't help but feel lonely and jealous of those people who are in a relationship. And I feel that now, more than ever.

I don't wanna get into the details of it but I just feel like there's something or someone missing in my life. And watching romantic movies, letting myself be fooled by happy ever afters, does not help at all. I keep thinking that maybe I'm not ready yet or he's not ready or maybe the time is just not right yet. And worse, I keep thinking maybe I was meant to live alone and then comes self-pity and all that crap teasing me in my most vulnerable state. How convenient is that?

Anyway, there's something I've been meaning to share to you since last week. There's this guy (I know, almost every problem starts with that sentence) who I work with in the office. We don't really know each other but I find him really attractive and he looks like he smells good every single day. The thing is that, and I don't even know why I'm stressing about this, he's kinda' old. Well, not really old old but he's way older than me. But I feel like there's something there, which is how I feel about every other guy I really like, so I don't really trust myself that much. The point is, I really like him but I have no idea how to get to know him without making the first move (fck those morally accepted norm). I don't know. I guess I'm just messing with my head again and I'm getting way over myself so I'll drop the subject now. I'll talk tou you about it when I'm more sane than now.

Day 108: Sunday's Best

It seems like my body clock has finally adapted to waking up early in the morning. During weekends when I have all the right to sleep late and wake up even later, my mind and body seem to protest and I end up opening my eyes in the wee hours of the morning like it was wired to, and I can never go back to sleep again. I'm not complaining though (well, maybe a teensy bit) but I figured it's an advantage anyway because I get to do a lot of things instead of obligingly being lazy.

With that being said, I woke up at seven in the morning today even if I slept very late last night, though I officially got up at nine (yes, the rolling and tossing and turning and debating whether I should get up or not took two long hours.haha) with the bottle of beer being the first thing that caught my eye when I woke up. I didn't finish all of it but I felt really good after a couple of sips. And I rarely drink, if you may notice. I don't know, I just felt like it was the best thing to do on a Saturday night (c'mon, I know you had those moments too).

I figured it might rain in the afternoon so I had no choice but to get up and get dressed for the mass. The priest's sermon was pretty long but it was very insightful, to say the least. I then took my lunch and had my usual reading session at the coffee shop. I'm almost halfway reading Murakami's Kafka on the Shore but I couldn't stay long because it was getting too crowded and noisy so I decided to go home after an hour. And now I'm wide awake because when I got home, I dozed off and slept for more than two hours. I guess someone's sleeping late again tonight.

Day 105 to 107: Weekender

I have so many things to tell you, I'm not even sure where and how to start. I know I went MIA for a couple of days, I have all the valid reasons why and mostly because of exhaustion and burnout from work. And I would like to apologize in advance because I might miss sharing some important things that could've happened in the past three days. I honestly can barely remember anything.

So let's start with Thursday, which is at the same time, our payday. All I can remember was that I came home late because I decided to go to the gym with a friend thereby forfeiting my plotted overtime (which I got reprimanded on, the day after). By Friday, I was more than excited to end the week but found out later on that I was scheduled an overtime, for the second time now, against my will. I was left with no choice but to render and at the end of the shift, I resorted to binge eating to get rid of stress and burnout, which also explains why I got home late and made love to the bed right after getting home. And by the way, before I forgot, my debit card got captured by the ATM machine after using it because I forgot to get the card on time. I had to wait until Saturday since the bank was already closed.

Now, today was a very good day to me. Still, I had to render my pre-plotted overtime early in the morning but little did I know that today is also the same day I'll find my inspiration at work. Well, technically, I already saw him before but today, I finally got to have an interaction with him and I felt all those caterpillars are slowly becoming butterflies in my stomach again. I'll spare you all those high school-ish whatever but this is definitely not the end of it. Anyway, after my shift, I had to wait for two hours more to get my debit card, got myself a take-out and went home directly. I stayed for a while and by three pm, I got myself ready for a massage together with my friends. I personally thought I paid too much moeny for the massage but I guess I really needed it after all. When I finally got home, I treated myself to an ice cold beer to finally end the night.

P.S. My sister's husband will not be going with us to Disneyland anymore because of a conflict with his schedule. So it's only gonna be me, my sister and Gab. Good Luck to us.haha

Day 104: Travel with me?

Finally, I was able to wake up early today without going through the hassle of debating with myself whether I should get up or not. I guess I'm pretty excited. It's approximately ten days more before my trip and I'm just itching to get on a plane away from all these stress. I haven't been anywhere to spend my summer so hopefully this will make up for it.

Also, almost everyone at work has been planning to go out of town next weekend. As much as I would want to go, I'm afraid I would have to pass for now. I wanna save up for my trip as much as possible. But, once I get back, I might go to Dumaguete and visit the place since a friend of mine happens to have connections there. I've been wanting to go to that place for a long time now and I can't say no to it. I know I've been planning to resign but with all these traveling I have yet to accomplish, looks like I may have to stay a bit longer.

I'm just hoping the weather would cooperate with all of my travel plans for this month. Rain has been a constant visitor for almost two weeks now and the weather is more bipolar than ever. I was also planning to visit Vietnam by the end of the year but it has been pushed aside for now because one of my friends who's coming with me can't go out of the country until March of next year. Anyway, Vietnam can wait.

Do you have any travel plans for this year too?

Day 103: Difficult mornings

Today, I experienced what was probably one of the most difficult mornings I've ever had. I had no problems waking up, no, my body has gotten used to waking up early in the morning even if it's my rest day. The problem is the getting-out-of-bed part and thinking if I should go to work or not. This has been an ongoing issue for a couple of days now and I have yet to find out how I could do away with this feeling. I've read and listened to a couple of motivational words about controlling how your mind works and having a positive mindset to start your day right but it's just NOT working for me. I hope I get to fix this soon or else, I'm gonna become miserable.

Anyway, there's nothing extraordinary that happened today at work. Some people just kept badgering me about the reason why I wasn't around the other day and since I didn't want to talk about it, I just diverted their attention to something else. Eventually, they got the hint amd dropped it. Good thing was, I did get another GC from Starbucks for the second time in a row now, which really made me happy. Recognitions like that is a lift-me-upper especially if you're having a bad day. But aside from that, everything was just how it should be.

What about you? How was your Tuesday?

Day 102: Homesick

Right at this moment while I'm writing this, I have thr strongest urge to drink liquor. No, I'm not gonna get myself drunk, just enough to ease the stress away. If only it was allowed to bring liquor inside the house and I was not that lazy to go out and buy one, I would have been drinking an ice cold beer by now. I'm also itching to get myself a tattoo, weighing every now and then if I should take the risk of getting strangled by dad when he finds out. It's not like I'm going to ink every part of my body, just a tiny teeny tattoo on my back would do.

Anyway, I skipped work today, without originally planning to. I woke up early, showered, and got dressed only to find myself stuck in bed minutes before my shift. I decided to call off from work mainly because I got too homesick. My boss even called me and asked if it was possible for me to come in half day but I just can't. I know that I would just suck at work if I did. And so I ended up spending the day listening to motivational talks from speakers all over the world--yes, there is an app for that--and reading Murakami's Kafka on the Shore. I still have a long way to go before I finish it, and then I'm off to Norwegian Wood afterwards.

The feeling of homesickness has also led me to think about going home after my short trip to HongKong. I could maybe get a job there, nothing fancy, just so that I could be with my family. It's not final yet but I'm definitely gearing towards it. I'll keep you updated on that.

Day 101: Daddy's Day

First of all, Happy Father's Day to your dad and to all the cool daddy-yo's out there! Although I am still deciding if this particular day was just a marketing strategy for Hallmark to sell out their cards (because birthday and anniversary cards are not selling as much as they used to), I'm still beyond thankful because I would never have been born in this world if not for my dad. And he deserves to be appreciated everyday not just on a single day of the year. Since I'm away from home, I made sure I called my dad first thing in the morning to greet him.

Anyway, today I get to wake up late because it's my rest day. I spent the entire morning tossing and turning in bed and I got to organize and beautify my tablet. I am more than fascinated with all the useful apps out there and I practically downloaded more than a dozen of 'em. And because my Sunday wouldn't be complete without going to a coffee shop to read a book, I took advantage of the free GC from Starbucks that I got from work earlier this week. I drowned myself with a Venti of Java Chip and a fattening whipped cream while waiting for a friend whom I haven't seen for a long time.

For me, Sundays are best spent alone with a book or catching up with a friend. I was more than delighted to hear stories and updates from a very good friend and it seems like the universe was in our favor because after a while, it rained like there's no tomorrow giving us more time to spend with each other. The only thing was, I wasn't able to go to mass because when the rain stopped, I went home immediately fearing the rain would come back, which didn't. I know it's not an excuse and I'm not proud but I'm gonna make it up next Sunday, I promise.

What about you? How was your Sunday?

Day 100: Man of Steel

Can you believe it's been a hundred days since I started this out? And to think I didn't even expect to reach the tenth day. This definitely calls for celebration! Woot!

When I come to think of it, I did treat myself a little today. Although I had to wake up extra early to work on my rest day, I still had a lot of fun. I almost wanted to bail on my plotted schedule because it was so difficult to separate from my bed at four in the morning. If it was just me, I would have thrown off my alarm and continue on sleeping but I promised one of my friends that I would be there so I was left with no choice. Good thing was that because it is a Saturday, there were only a few calls who came in and three hours passed by so quickly.

After work, we went to the gym which was close to empty. Most of the agents are on their day off so we had the gym all to ourselves. We planned on watching Man of Steel right after but there were no more seats available until three in the afternoon. There was a company who reserved the entire theatre for the first full show to all of their employees and we couldn't afford to wait for three hours so we decided to go to another mall. We arrived there just in time for the first full show and it was not even that crowded. I haven't seen a movie in a while so it was really a good way to destress myself.

And since I started the day really early today, I'm gonna be off to bed in a while. Tomorrow's gonna be Father's day already. Are you planning anything for your dad?

Day 99: Drama Queen

I don't know how to start this post. I have been paralyzed with different kinds of negative emotions from watching a local drama series which I have been an avid follower of for a long time now. I know it's weird how I get so affected with this kind of stuff but I really can't help it sometimes. And being of the feminine side, it doesn't take me a hard beating to get emotional, it's like one of our hidden superpowers with which we have a love-hate relationship every now and then.

Aside from that, I have been very stressed lately because of work. I renderred overtime again after shift and tomorrow, I have to wake up early because my shift starts at 6 in the morning. Who would have thought I would get enticed with the incentives for getting an overtime on my rest day instead of actually 'resting'. If not for my my trip, I wouldn't give into it but for now, I have to.

On another note, if you remember my post yesterday, I was dreading going to work today because of the possibility of getting a very low score. It turns out all of my worries were futile because my scores were not that bad. I even received a Starbucks gift certificate because I did well last Monday. It's not much but it's a really good thing to be appreciated for all the efforts I've exerted. I just hope this will all work out in the end.

Day 98: Outlier

I'm dreading tomorrow. I'm dreading tomorrow. I'm dreading tomorrow.

I know we're not supposed to worry about the future and that worry is just a negative and useless energy BUUUUUT I cannot freakin' help it! I had the worst calls today and I'm pretty sure (and I hope I'm wrong) that I will get a very low score by tomorrow. I'm even on the verge of quitting just because I hate the feeling that I'm pulling our team down because of my stats. Being an outlier is a poisoned apple to a competitive person (at least that is how it is for me) I wish everything was just as easy as 1-2-3.

Anyway, I'm not gonna make this long because I'm really beat up and my entire being is gonna crash soon. One good news though is that I was able to go to gym today. I didn't render any OT so I was able to visit the gym after work. Tomorrow is gonna be another day and I hope I get to do better in my calls.

P.S. 17 days to go until HK! I.cannot.contain.my.excitement!!

Day 97: Setting Standards

The past two days have been awfully busy for me, one of the reasons why I wasn't able to write anything. And when I come to think about it, I'm the only one inflicting this kind of stress on myself. If you haven't guessed it yet then I wouldn't make it any harder for you. I have been renderring an hour post shift overtime at work for the laat two days now and my stress level is already too high I'm afraid I might fall and shatter all that's left in me. Okay, okay, that was a little too dramatic but you get my point. If I didn't need the money, I wouldn't be slaving myself for this.

And you know what's worse? I haven't been very healthy anymore. I've gone back to my old habits of not eating anything for breakfast and then drowning myself with unhealthy food by dinner. I haven't done any exercise for almost a week now and because I go home late, I'm forced to commute instead of walking my way home. I can feel all the pounds I've lost for the last couple of weeks adding up again. Oh well, we all gotta sacrifice one thing in favor of the other. And for now, my priority (as shallow as it sounds) is money so I'll have to stick with it for now.

Anyway, on a totally different topic, I've been thinking a lot about relationships for the past couple of days. It's nothing out of the ordinary but I've been learning bits and pieces from my colleagues at work about their experiences and I would have to say, before this day ends, we should always know and keep in mind what we deserve. It's not wise to rush into things and settle for something less than what you should be getting. We only live once and we can't live that life wasted on relationships which doesn't do us any good in the first place, don't you think? As what a famous actress said on her wedding day, "You can set your standards high and trust God will give you that standard". I couldn't agree more.

Day 96: All too personal

I think I'm going to HK on July really really broke. I've been trying to cut off my expenses the past few days but it's just not working out for me. The more I restrict myself from spending on unnecessary things, the more I get tempted to shell out. What is wrong with me??

Anyway, as mentioned in my previous post, a lot of students have returned from their vacation and I was hoping it woudn't get too rowdy last night but all my hopes were flushed down the drain. I had a difficult time sleeping because the boyfriends were there and everyone was just so hyped up with their first day of classes. I mean, I know I can't complain because I already know right from the start this is all part of the package when I moved in but it wouldn't hurt for them to be considerate too once in a while.

But even if I didn't have a very good sleep, I woke up pretty excited for the day. I even decided to wear my royal blue maxi dress which I rarely wear. I don't know, I was just feeling a little bit too perky, which is necessarily not a bad thing. It's a Holiday in Australia today since most of them are celebrating the Queen's birthday, except for Western Australia so I was looking forward to a high avail time which is what happened. And I took advantage of it by getting to know my colleagues on a personal level.

I'm not sure if it's a good thing but as I get to be more at ease with the people at work, I tend to be more confident in asking them questions about their personal life. I really like hearing about other people's stories because the things that I learn about them that I haven't learned before always amazes me. We had a new seating arrangement today and the person I was seated next to was not really close to me so she became the object of my incessant questioning. And I learned a lot about her in eight hours than in the month and a half that we've been working together.

And because of my inherent curiosity, I spent more than I should and I went home later than usual. But no regrets, I had fun anyway. Was your Monday any different to mine?

Day 94 and 95: Back to School

I just woke up from an hour sleep and I'm feeling all refreshed. But when I think about it, this is probably not the best idea because that would mean having a hard time sleeping early later tonight which I have to because of work tomorrow morning. I was not planning to doze off though but the weather was so insistent and my eyes were uncooperative, what can I do? Anyeay, no point arguing about what's already done so let's go through what happened this weekend. Or more aptly so, what did NOT happen this weekend.haha

For one, I did not have any progress reading any of Murakami's books. I started off with Norwegian Wood but then a friend of mine suggested Kafka On The Shore which I've only started reading a few minutes before I dozed off earlier this afternoon. I don't know, the story started off a little gloomy, or maybe I'm just not that in the mood for reading so I may have to put it off until next week.

I also have been MIA in my Saturday morning jog for the past two weeks. Last week I had no excuse though, just plain laziness. But for this week, I mean c'mon, how can I possibly jog when it's drizzling outside? You wouldn't want me getting a cold or anything, would you? Let's all hope the weather will be better next weekend, although I'm perfectly in my element when the weather's like this. Am I contradicting myself? But hey, you have to admit this is so much better than the scorching and unbelievably unforgiving heat summer brought, right?

Speaking of summer enders, classes resume by Monday so a lot of students and all of my roommates are already back from home. It's a completely different setting from three months of quiet environment but it's all good. At least it's not as lonely anymore. I just hope it wont get too rowdy. All in all though, it was a totally chill and lazy weekend for me. What about you?

Day 93: Bed Weather

I'm writing this on a cold Saturday morning just because I woke up really early even if I have all the reasons not to and I dozed off really early last night even if I had not not planned to, allowing me to completely forget I still had to do this in the first place. And I completely put all the blame on the weather. The rain has been a constant visitor for a couple of days and now and it inconveniently graces early in the morning just before I go to work making it really impossible for me to separate from my bed.

Anyway, work was not that stressful yesterday. I had a lot of time off the phone because of plotted coaching schedules and there was no one to man the queue so we had the opportunity to toggle as long as we like. Of course, that's not a good thing to do but it only happens once in a blue man so we might as well take advantage of it while we can. And since it's the Queen's day on Monday, we were given the option to not go to work because of the high avail time. I know this may sound weird but I still chose to go to work mainly because (and this would sound too shallow) I really need the money for my trip to HK in less than a month. I'm getting really excited but anxious all the same. I just hope everything turns out fine.

Oh, I've also started reading Murakami's Norwegian Wood last night and I'm planning to read it all weekend. Looks like Game of Thrones would have to wait. What about you? Any new books to recommend?

Day 92: In a rush

Can you believe it's almost the weekend already? It seems like the week has just gone by in a snap and another week will be taking over in a while. I can't help but wonder why the universe is in such a hurry nowadays. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's just that, everything is going a mile a minute and I'm a little bit worried about the future. I know it's futile but my mind sometimes plays trick on me causing me to dwell on the uncertainty of what's coming instead of enjoying the present. Does that happen to you as well?

Anyway, enough of that. Let's talk about what happened today (and now that I think about it, I'm not so sure if there's anything worth sharing for today). Well, the day didn't start quite right for me. The scores for yesterday's calls was the first thing that came up to me when I arrived at work and the result was not that good. But I had to set that aside to focus on my work and thankfully, it was not that stressful today. Only a few calls came and we had a really high avail time towards the end of the shift.

After work, I was supposed to do overtime for an hour but then the slots were already filled oit so I think I'll only be able to do OT on Saturday for this week. Hopefully, I'll be able to sign up earlier next. Having no OT to render, I went straight home and composed this. I'm planning to continue reading the third book of the series Game of Thrones this weekend. I've actually started reading it a coupke of weeks ago but I was never really able to finish it. But Murakami has also been put off for a while now so I'll have to decide which to start first.

What about you? Any plans for the weekend?

Day 91: Buh-bye Summer!

For once, I have no idea how to start this post. There's a lot of things going through my mind right now, it's like a New Year's Eve party up here.

Anyway, it's officially the end of summer here in my part of the world and it's crazy how, as early as now, the rainy season is already taking over. Just this morning, when I was about to go out and head to work, rain poured out like there's no tomorrow forcing me to commute instead of doing my early morning walk. And since I haven't gotten myself a handy dandy umbrella, I ended up going to work soaked in rainwater. But I wasn't pissed or anything. I always prefer rainy seasons over summer. It's weird but I feel at ease and more relaxed when it's raining, more so when I don't have any work and I get to stay home with my books and a cup of coffee.

Work wasn't that bad as well. There were a couple of struggles along the way but all in all, it was a pretty good shift. And I might be staying longer at work everyday starting tomorrow since I'll be renderring overtime every after shift. I normally don't do overtimes but the offer is really good and I could really use the money come July. So I guess I'll have to stick with it for now. After work, I dropped by the mall to buy groceries and then I went home directly and since it's payday today, I treated myself with my favorite salad from the restaurant just across the street and I couldn't be any happier.

What about you? How was your Wednesday?

Day 89 and 90: Lazy days

You know, I seriously think every company should provide each of their employees at least two lazy days leave every year where people can just pick any day of the year where they feel the laziest and they can take a day off from work using that leave, paid in full of course. And that's apart from the sick leave and vacation leave they're giving out. Having that said, I imposed that leave on myself yesterday. I woke up at the wrong side of the bed and decided then and there that I'm not ready to face the world in any way possible. I called off from work, went back to bed and stayed there until I can feel pressure sores slightly forming on my buttocks forcing me to separate myself from my bed.

Having nothing to do the entire day, I finally finished reading Eat, Pray, Love and to say that I'm a bit jealous of Liz is an understatement. I wish I could also do all the traveling that she did without having to worry on expenses along the way. That book has probably taught me a lot of things about cultures and traditions of the different countries she's been to than I have ever learned sitting all year in my World History class during third grade. And that is one of the reasons why I love reading. It takes me to different dimensions and during the past three days, I was Liz Gilbert and I have been to Italy, India, and Indonesia meeting a lot of people, and most of all, basking in the different kind of romance I have never felt before and may never feel at all in the future.

After immersing myself in the book for the whole day, I met my dad at the port to hand him his ticket back home. He just came from Bohol and since he wasn't able to book any trip, he decided to stop by for a while and two hours after, he was off again to my hometown. I was a little bit short of money but it all went well in the end. After meeting him, I went straight home, got some sleep and woke up determined to face the world, ready or not.

Work was a little heavy today. We didn't have any induction time anymore which means, we're on the phone nonstop unless, of course, during breaks and lunch. I'm not complaining though because I'm really learning a lot. I just hope that I do get better so that I'll be eligible for promotions soon enough. Tomorrow is gonna be another day and I'm not really sure where this road will lead me to but all I have is hope and trust. Let's just pray that'll be enough.

Day 87 and 88: Shoulda, woulda, coulda

Weekend is almost over, just like that! But nevertheless, I had fun spending the last two days with the people I've never seen in a while. You know when you're in a different city and almost everyone you meet is a stranger, it's always refreshing to be able to see a familiar face every now and then.

Yesterday, I had lunch with my cousin who came from UK and another one from Bohol who's here to take the Nursing Licensure Exam. It's been a while since we saw each other and being all girls, we almost never run out of things to say. We talked about relationships, careers and plans for our future. I actually found it weird that we're talking about all these mature stuff since we almost never do so especially when we were younger (duh?!). After lunch, I went home early since I wanted to catch up on my reading. I'm almost halfway reading Eat, Pray, Love and I'm finding India and the religious part a little boring compared to Italy but I'm learning a lot from it. I just hope I'll finish reading it 'coz I can't wait to read and uncover the brilliance that is Murakami.

For today, I also met with a previous colleague and a very good friend of mine who's here to attend some Nursing related training. We did a lot of catching up and she updated me with who's dating who and what's everyone from my hometown been up to. Our conversation about the different careers we've decided to partake has led me to think about a lot of what-ifs. Having decided to not practice my profession has not been easy for me and looking at this friends of mine who's doing really well made me question my decision. I could've been a really good Operating Room nurse by now and I would've gotten the experience necessary for me to go abroad. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

This weekend has led me to a lot of thinking about the future and I'm getting scared of its uncertainty. I'm just hoping against hope this will not keep me awake all night.